A scientist's way
by Resri
Summary: He had, at some point in those three years since he had started working for Meredith McKay, accepted the fact that he was stupidly in love with his abrasive, arrogant and condescending boss. Post-Trinity. Fem!McKay/Zelenka. M for a little swearing (I'm a potty mouth)


Heyo! This is my first upload and I do hope you like it :D

Please let me know what you think and how I could improve. Thx, Lords and Ladies!

A scientist's way

Radek sat in the lab behind his computer and stared at the tense, hunched shoulders and the back of McKay's head, feeling more hope- and helpless than he had felt for the past three years.

He had, at some point since he had started working for Meredith McKay, accepted the fact that he was stupidly in love with his abrasive, arrogant and condescending boss. He was, after all, a scientist and knew how to collect and interpret data:

He was annoyed whenever Kavanagh had blatantly ogled Meredith's ass, back in Antarctica. In the beginning Radek had always told himself it annoyed him because it was so unprofessional (while ogling her very nicely shaped ass himself).

He had scowled at all the marines who made their dirty jokes about her before they had the misfortune of coming into direct contact with McKay and her ability to crush hardened soldiers' wills to live with nothing but a few carefully chosen insults. After that, when they looked like a bunch of scolded pre-teens and grumbled some thing or another about crazy little women, Radek was usually smug. He had used to tell himself it was because those military types had been shown that the geeks could dish it out, too.

He felt a ridiculous pride whenever McKay complimented his work and he had used to tell himself it was because she so rarely offered praise for anybody but herself.

He suffered of gut-wrenching worry every single time something bad happened to her (which was quite frequently, one only had to think of the 'jumper that got stuck in the 'gate or the black energy being or the mission where they met the Genii or all the other damn off-world missions that went wrong somehow) and had always told himself it was because she was irreplaceable for the expedition and the city.

But Radek drew the line and stopped with all this lying to himself when Meredith and Major Sheppard got closer and closer to each other. There was just no logical reason to explain the searing jealousy whenever he saw those two together in the mess or when one of them was practically camping in the infirmary when the other was hurt or when the Major was leaning over Meredith's shoulder in the lab, playing the light switch or just bugging her in general.

So he stopped denying the obvious and terrible truth:  
1\. He was stupidly in love with his little, crazy boss.

2\. He had absolutely no chance in hell to compete with Colonel John "I make space bimbos' panties drop since 2004" Sheppard (the man was freaking _hot_ with his easy smile and the artfully tousled hair and the charm and the whole Kirkness he had going for himself, Radek had to admit).

3\. Even if there was no sexy Air Force Colonel, Radek was as socially retarded as most of the genius people on Atlantis who had spent their whole life devoted to science, so he had no idea if Meredith could ever see anything but a friend and colleague in him, as oblivious as she was.

Suddenly Radek was pulled out of his contemplation by a quiet hitch in McKay's breathing and he looked up. The lab was still deserted except for the two of them. She was still sitting at her table with her back to him and her shoulders were still tense, but now they were slightly shaking. Tiny tremors went through her and for a moment Radek thought she was shivering of the cold. Then the realization hit him and he jumped up, cursing under his breath.  
Radek stalked over to McKay, grabbed her shoulders while ignoring her startled squawk and turned her around. She promptly started rubbing at her eyes but there was no sense in trying to hide the tear streaks on her face. She looked so incredibly lost that Radek's normally very smart brain stopped working for a moment, only to turn back on again when Meredith was already wrapped in his arms. To his great surprise though, she didn't push him away to start yelling but buried her face in his chest and begun crying in earnest. She clutched at his shirt, bunching it up in her fists.  
Radek didn't really know what to say, so he babbled sweet nothings in Czech, soothing sounds for Meredith's ears.  
She had, after a while, untangled herself from Radeks' embrace and had brushed over the tear stain on his shoulder. Then she had looked up at him and the second dam of the day had broken. After she was done telling him about Sheppard and his words in the transporter, her efforts to gain back his trust, his unwillingness or blindness to them, his coldness, Radek had accompanied Meredith to her quarters. She was exhausted, emotionally and physically, so she didn't put up much of a fight when he had sent her off to bed.

Now Radek made his way to the mess, deep in thought about everything he'd learned this day and was startled by a loud clanking sound.  
There was Sheppard, hitting golf balls into the Lantean sea without the slightest care in the world while the woman Radek loved above all reason was crying her eyes out because of Mr. Flyboy's attitude.

So Radek lost his cool.

He had just spent the better part of two hours comforting Meredith, who had poured her heart out, who was sure that earning the Colonels trust back was impossible, who bet herself up over an honest mistake, being blinded by the prospect of saving a whole galaxy from the Wraith. Granted, it had been a mistake in the size of 5/6 of a solar system, but her intentions had been good. Everybody involved had accepted their own faults in the matter, had come around, had forgiven her (Radek himself being the very first), except Sheppard.  
And that was the reason Radek stormed out onto the balcony, grabbed the iron out of Sheppard's hands and threw it out into the ocean. At the Colonels stunned look, the Czech had started yelling. Because, really, it was all so very fucking unfair. Although this man didn't appreciate either her genius or her devotion or her attempts at making it up to him, she would still be heartbroken over him.

" _YOU!_ You ungrateful _prase_! How dare you?!" Radek stabbed his finger wildly into the Colonels chest.  
"How dare you being out here playing your stupid little game like there is no problem in world while Meredith is working herself to an early grave to earn back _your_ trust?! Do you ( _stab_ ) even know what she is going through? No, of course not! You don't see that she does sleep even less than before and mostly in lab , you ( _stab_ ) don't see that she only eats anything but the occasional powerbar when _I_ bring her food from the mess and force her to eat , you (stab) don't see how she checks not only her own but work of all the other scientists double and triple because of her self doubt, because she is terrified of failing again _,_ of not being able to earn back trust she should not have to earn back at all! We owe her so much, you arrogant (s _tab_ ), self righteous bastard! How often has she saved your ass and the whole city and no one thanked her? She makes _one_ mistake and you are ready to turn your back on her like she is worthless. You let her jump through hoops and make her hope for forgiveness that you ( _stab_ ) aren't willing to give and rub her failure in with no regard for her feelings. Yet she is still willing to go on. For you ( _stab_ ). For the off chance that the great and infallible Colonel Sheppard accepts her back."  
Radek's breathing is heavy now with agitation.  
"But why should you care? _You_ ( _stab_ ) can hit tiny balls into the ocean while someone who always stood by your side and is the most loyal person I know cries her eyes out and I don't know how to make her better. You are cruel traitor, Colonel, and even if you don't care enough anymore, she still does for the both of you, and that is so unfair..."

With that he ran out of steam. The hand with which he had poked the shocked looking Sheppard sank to his side. The anger was gone and he just felt hollow, sad and tired, so he plopped down on the bench and heaved a deep sigh.  
The Colonel stood there awkwardly for a moment longer before he slowly sat next to Radek and they both stared out onto the Lantean sea in silence.  
"I didn't know she bet herself up so badly." Sheppard murmured after a while.  
"Was quite obvious to me." Radek answered bitterly.  
"I guess I should do some apologizing of my own, then."  
Silence.  
"You know" Sheppard began again, "there's nothing between us." When all the Colonel got was a scowl from Radek, he clarified, "I mean, Mer and I aren't in a relationship, never were, really. She's just my friend, the closest damn thing to a little sister I ever had!" He chuckled a little at that.  
"Crazy little sister with a fouler mouth than any marine I ever came across."  
Radek was still staring at the ocean, slowly blinking. Sheppard continued.  
"She doesn't love me, buddy. You should just, I don't know, go to her. Talk to her. _Tell_ her, Radek. You may be surprised about what she had to say."  
"You say that because of the things you know as big brother?"  
"Maybe."


End file.
